Bad Dream

I want to know that I know that I know that I know FOR SURE that I am saved. If you'd have experienced what I had months ago you'd no doubt feel the same. You have NO IDEA how frightening it was to be (literally) attacked by demons in my sleep. It's that sort of thing that no one will ever get or understand; not even I know for sure what really lies out there in the spiritual realm. I wouldn't go as far as to call it a dream or even a nightmare; this was a full-fledged attack in my sleep. I remember waking up shivering so greatly I felt like my mind was twitching with the most insane, twisted thoughts. I tried so hard to recover by focusing on a prayer and trying to think of the face of Jesus. I felt so greatly disturbed that night I had to sleep in the same room with my sister. I hadn't done such a thing in a very, very long time. Like any child who's had a nightmare and slept with his or her parents (and I have done this at around 5-6) only now I'm at an age where I thought nothing scared me anymore. That is until this happened to me some months ago.

The Bad Dream:

There was a nightly investigation, much like Silence of the Lambs. Somebody knew that someone else was going to be killed and the situation was very dangerous. So this investigator realized this and rushed out with a group of cops, SWAT team members, etc. Then this woman walking out by this alley gets pulled over by a man with a scar. He had his hands on her head and pulled her head off. Only, she was still alive and hanging below her head was a new body; she had become some sort of twisted, grotesque creature. She was in horror of becoming something she was not, and just then some more men came along with the scarred man. They pulled their own heads off to reveal their new bodies, these men exposed themselves to be demons clothed in human skin. They started howling and shouting at the woman who was already frightened at what had happened to her. They moved her and grabbed her head and placed it in a deep, dark hole somewhere by the alleyway, and they blocked all light with their heads peaking in the hole, screaming terrible screams at her while she sunk lower and lower into the darkness and beyond...

The feeling was like that of drowning; when you've reached the point where you think you're going to die, the feeling gets deeper still. And when you really believe that now you're going to die, the feeling gets worse; and it gets worse and worse still, and it never, ever ends. Every moment in hell is like that of the moment of death reaching deeper and deeper into nothing and never being released. That feeling of being stuck and never being able to crawl out again. It's enough to drive anyone insane and that alone is only one quality of such a place outside of our imagination and all that we are able to conceive of as mere humans on earth. We don't know what's going on in the spiritual realm and we don't realize how deep the darkness is; but the news is that God always provides us a chance at salvation. God isn't forcing anyone to love him or believe in him; for God himself is true love and true love doesn't force others against themselves. The truth is everyone has that responsibility of making that decision; and I hope and pray that many will turn to God so they can really know him for the first time. For all who don't love God or even hate him simply don't know him, and yet, he still loves you.

Because of all this, I feel that I think about hell all the time now; that is one of many truths that no one knows about me. I am typically a mysterious person because I've never had much of a chance to open up to others. Or rather, I don't open up because no one asks me to; I don't want to bother people or force them to hear about the truth about myself because I know not everyone is interested to hear about it. So this is just some of the mysteries revealed: I am greatly disturbed at the behavior of this earth and I wish all people knew God the way I do (or better). For I now sympathize with God's feelings on this well-known scripture:

"For God loved the world so much that he gave his only begotten son so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."

If I could find the right words, I would tell you how I feel about this. All I can say from here is based on my experience through life, there's absolutely no doubt that there is a God. I want to seek righteousness, love, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, loyalty, honesty, self-control, etc. All truly wonderful qualities come from God and all truly good things come from God. That is the truth I know about him, and I love him. I will not hide this about myself and where I stand. I am not condemning anyone or telling anyone what decisions to make; this is just my two cents about myself I wanted to reveal. Take care, God bless and may God speed be with you.

I Didn't Mean To Neglect This Blog...

I really wish I'd update my blog more often. I also really wish I'd post more reviews on here, as I enjoy speaking favorably about the things I like that I believe should get more attention. I might do another video game review since I'd only written that one for Conker: Live & Reloaded. I've been playing Jet Force Gemini lately so I feel that's on my mind for reviewing.

On a side note, some weeks ago I contributed a map to the project, "Plutonia Revisited." It's going to be a 32-level game compatible for the original Final Doom engine. It's a tribute to The Plutonia Experiment, which was one of the two games that made the whole of Final Doom. The map I made is a tribute to map 22, "Impossible Mission" and in reflection to that I decided to call mine Suicide Mission. I'm very pleased with how the map turned out and I hope it makes it in all right. I also worked somewhat on a map that was supposed to be a map 32 slot. Map 32 of Plutonia was the toughest map of the set; and as tradition has it (well, at least for Plutonia 2 and this project) the level typically is a remake of an older doom map with tons of monsters and new areas. I worked on it some of the way and I sent it to someone else to work on it, so I guess you could say I'm doing a collaboration map. I basically took the first area of the first three Plutonia maps and blended them together with a couple new areas (plus I re-textured the thing). Though I wish instead of pasting them together I should have just created them from scratch based on memory; I'm absolutely certain I could have done so. Anyway, maybe when I get the map back I'll fix those areas up and add some new ones as well.

At some point, I'd also like to post about my spirituality. I'd like to be honest with people who are curious about my character since I've never had the opportunity to open up to anyone. The way I see it, I don't want to pour myself out before anyone who doesn't want to hear about it, so I'll just post some things on here. More likely I'll just recommend some great sources as to where I like to look when I need some encouragement or to learn more about God. He is a very interesting guy. :)

Anyway, I guess I'll leave it at that for now. Hope to return with some great things.